Why do I get angry so fast?
Anger outbursts can seem to come from nowhere, and often seem extreme given the circumstances. My clients often talk about a ‘red mist’ that seems to come from nowhere and explode into rage.
A chance remark made by a family member, or somebody cutting in front of you in traffic, might be enough to send you into an outburst of anger. And this can lead to hurt and confusion in others, and feelings of shame and guilt in yourself afterwards.
Often though, this anger and rage has already been building up inside of you – sometimes for many years. There are often unexpressed emotions bubbling away under the surface, maybe even stemming from childhood, and they’ve never been allowed the chance to surface.
So all it takes is some small trigger for them to burst free and cause mayhem.
How does Anger Management Counselling work?
In my Anger Management program I work with a two-way approach. We start by working with practical ways to reduce the day-to-day stresses that can push your anger over the edge.
Then we look at the underlying issues that could be the root cause of it all. I have some very effective techniques that can help you gently release negative emotions linked to past problems or traumas.
In this way we cover all our bases, and the end result is that you feel naturally calmer, plus you learn better ways of coping with your emotions, from an assertive, confident perspective.
Of course, the other big advantage of Anger Management Counselling is that it gives you a place to talk confidentially. Finding a way to release any unexpressed emotions is a good start in learning to control your anger.
Counselling is of course an excellent place to do this, as it’s a safe environment where you’re not going to hurt anyone’s feelings by saying exactly what’s on your mind.
How else can I control my anger outbursts?
Some people find a release in physical exercise, such as playing sports or going to the gym. The endorphins released during exercise act to reduce stress within the body, leading to feelings of relaxation.
Another great lifestyle choice you can make to help control anger is to reduce, or give up, alcohol and recreational drugs. This might seem strange, as often we can think that alcohol or drugs are relaxing and enjoyable, but actually they can have the opposite effect in the long term, as shown by the following studies:
Will I have to dredge up my childhood memories during anger management counselling?
No – not unless you want to. My approach to counselling is to ensure that you always feel comfortable and relaxed during the sessions. I’ll never make you talk about issues you’d rather not discuss. I understand that it can be hard to bring certain things up.
If you prefer, we can stay focused on present-day issues and work on strategies and techniques to help you control your anger right now.
Will anger management turn me into a wimp?
No – far from it.
Anger management can be a game-changer. It can transform your life, making it much more peaceful and happy for you and your loved ones.
But what if you’re worried that anger management will turn you into a softie? If you get counselling for your anger does it mean you’ll then retreat from any argument, letting the other guy win while you whimper and back down, tail between your legs?
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Actually, the term ‘anger management’ can seem misleading, in my opinion. I’d say that ‘anger transformation’ is more descriptive of what my clients achieve during counselling sessions.
It’s my aim to help you transform your anger and rage into a confident assertiveness. I want you to have the power to choose a healthily appropriate reaction to whatever situation you find yourself in. So I see anger management as very empowering.
For instance, one client, after just a few anger counselling sessions, found himself able to easily have discussions and healthy confrontations with people in work, when it was necessary. He described it as ‘like having a new superpower!’
Should I tell people that I’m getting anger management counselling?
It’s absolutely your decision whether or not to tell others that you’re coming for anger counselling, and some people understandably prefer to keep it to themselves. But I find that it can really be helpful to let those close to you know.
When my clients have told family members, friends, co-workers, and bosses about their decision to get counselling, they’ve generally had very positive supportive reactions. It can be helpful to know that those around you are on your side.
But there’s another reason why I encourage clients to be open about the process. This is because, during counselling, you will find yourself changing as a person, becoming more confident and assertive, and this can sometimes come as something of a surprise to those close to you.
My anger management program isn’t about suppressing your feelings. It’s about learning a whole new way of being, in which you step into your own power, confidently ask for what you want, and gain a new, healthily assertive attitude to life.
Your loved ones might be used to the type of person who ‘bottled things up’ for days on end, then exploded in a rage when they were least expecting it.
In fact, they may be a bit taken aback by this new assertive person in their lives. So it can be really helpful to talk to them about the changes you’re trying to make, and bring them on board, so they feel included, rather than mystified by it all.
What are the most common causes of anger?
These are the three most common situations in which my clients have reported their anger getting out of control:
Relationship difficulties: communication problems and misunderstandings with close family members such as parents, partners, and children.
The workplace: bosses being too heavy-handed, not getting on with colleagues, or staff members being incompetent.
Traffic – other peoples’ bad driving.
No matter what is causing your anger, we can work on releasing your emotions around it and changing your reactions to it.
Is anger caused by fear?
Yes – anger is a natural response to a dangerous situation. Anger is an important emotion as in the appropriate situation it helps to keep us and our loved ones safe.
A physical or aggressive response might be appropriate if we’re threatened by an invader or wild animal. However, in today’s world, the threats around us are no longer tigers or enemy tribes. Instead, they’re busy traffic, automated phone messages asking us to ‘press 1 and hold’, neighbours’ dogs that are barking too loud, and computers that won’t do what we want them to do.
These might be dismissed as ‘first world problems’, but all these stressors can add up over time and cause a growing sense of frustration. Add to that the ‘real’ dangerous things that are happening all around our world, that we’re informed of on a daily basis on the news.
It’s true; we live in a scary uncertain world, whether it’s the fear of war, ill health, or food shortages. And the problem is, we’re powerless to do anything about it.
So anger is a natural reaction to all these things that we’re faced with on a daily basis, both in our private lives, and on a Global level.
But throwing the computer out of the window, or smashing the radio when the news comes on – isn’t going to help matters.
The key is in making sure your anger is an appropriate response to the situation.
How are the sessions held?
Sessions are held remotely via services such as Zoom, Skype, Facetime, or over the telephone.
Got more questions?
Contact me by filling out the email form below. Alternatively you can call or text me on 0791 240 8830.