How does Anger Management Counselling work?
During private one-to-one anger management counselling sessions you will:
- Learn fast, effective ways to feel calm and in control
- Turn stress into focus and clarity, and transform rage into confident assertiveness
- Banish the anxiety, guilt and shame that often follows anger outbursts
- Learn to communicate effectively with others from a positive perspective
- Rebuild your relationships and grow closer to your loved ones
Watch the video version of this blog here:
In my Anger Management program I work with a two-way approach. We start by working with practical ways to quickly reduce the day-to-day stresses that can push your anger over the edge.
Then we look at the underlying issues that could be the root cause of it all, giving you some very effective tools and techniques to get rid of that build-up of overwhelm and frustration that threatens to explode at any minute.
The other big advantage of private anger management counselling is that it gives you a place to talk confidentially; giving vent to whatever’s on your mind in a way that doesn’t harm or upset anybody.
“Lisa was brilliant. From my very first conversation with her she knew exactly what I wanted to achieve. I am a sceptical person, but I can honestly say that every session with Lisa was life changing for me.
The exercises she undertook with me, took me really deep within myself, and the techniques taught, now come naturally, and instantaneously to me when required.
If you are reading this whilst thinking about whether or not to use Lisa’s services, please just do it. You will not regret the outcome”
~ Google Review (click on link to see more 5* testimonials)
Sessions are held online using video calls such as Zoom, or over the telephone. This makes it easy and convenient for you to fit the sessions into your busy schedule.
Is anger management counselling really worth the money?
I like to think of anger management counselling as one of the best investments you can make in your life.
Think of how much money your anger may currently be costing you. Here are some examples of costs I hear about from my clients:
- Replacing a phone after it was thrown to the ground in frustration
- Fixing a hole in the wall that was punched in a rage
- Car repairs after an accident that was caused by erratic and dangerous driving
And these are just the smaller day to day problems that can be caused by anger – what about the massive legal costs that can come from a divorce, for instance? Or the financial implications of losing your job?
Then there are the things that you really can’t put a price on, like the emotional damage done to your children from having to live with an angry parent, or the health effects from issues such as high blood pressure (did you know that angry outbursts increase your risk of heart attacks and strokes?).
My anger management program represents an excellent value investment, considering what’s at stake.
Just think about how your life could be different if you didn’t have your anger issues.
You could be enjoying:
- Closer and more loving relationships
- A calm, happy home life
- A more productive and positive work environment
- A healthier body
Is Anger Management just the same as counselling?
No, there are some key differences. Counselling is usually a more passive process in which the counsellor listens intently to what you have to say, but doesn’t offer much in the way of direction or advice.
My anger management program is more proactive and solution-focused, with strategies and techniques to help you change the way you think and behave.
Why do I get angry so fast?
“I go from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye”
“The red mist rises and suddenly I don’t know who I am anymore”
“My temper explodes over tiny trivial things”
This is how my clients often describe their anger when they first come to see me.
Anger outbursts can seem to come from nowhere, and often seem extreme given the circumstances.
A chance remark made by a family member… something you read online… somebody cutting in front of you in traffic – any of these might be enough to send you into an outburst of anger that’s totally inappropriate for the situation.
This can lead to hurt and confusion in others, and feelings of shame and guilt in yourself afterwards.
Often though, it’s really not about that chance remark, or that traffic incident. This anger and rage has already been building up inside of you – sometimes for many years. There are often unexpressed emotions bubbling away under the surface, maybe even stemming from childhood, and they’ve never been allowed the chance to surface.
So all it takes is some small trigger for them to burst free and cause mayhem.
I have some excellent ways to easily and safely neutralise these triggers so they no longer affect you.
How long will it take?
I recommend considering at least 6 sessions initially. During this time you would have one meeting with me each week. I also give you practices to work on in between sessions.
Most of my previous clients have reported big improvements in their feelings and behaviour after just 1 or 2 weeks into the program, so the positive effects can be immediate.
Some people wish to continue the sessions over a longer period, to keep improving, and working on confidence building or communication skills. For this reason I also offer a 3 month package.
Everybody is unique, and this is one of the big benefits of having private one-to-one sessions; they can be tailored exactly to your particular needs.
Will anger management turn me into a wimp?
No – far from it.
Anger management can be a game-changer. It can transform your life, making it much more peaceful and happy for you and your loved ones.
But what if you’re worried that anger management will turn you into a softie? If you get counselling for your anger does it mean you’ll then retreat from any argument, letting the other guy win while you whimper and back down, tail between your legs?
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Think about it – who usually comes out tops in an argument? It’s the person who stays calm; who doesn’t lose their cool, and stays focused on stating their case.
It’s NOT the person who gets flustered, red in the face, shaking with rage, and throwing things around like a toddler having a tantrum.
Actually, the term ‘anger management’ can seem misleading, in my opinion. I’d say that ‘anger transformation’ is more descriptive of what my clients achieve during counselling sessions.
It’s my aim to help you transform your anger and rage into a cool confident assertiveness. I want you to have the power to choose a healthily appropriate reaction to whatever situation you find yourself in. So I see anger management as very empowering.
For instance, one client, after just a few anger counselling sessions, found himself able to easily have discussions and healthy confrontations with people in work, when it was necessary. He described it as ‘like having a new superpower!’
Should I do a group course or one-to-one anger management?
I offer private one-to-one anger management sessions and I find this is the fastest and most effective way to release the pent up emotions and change your behaviour.
Confidential sessions make it easier to open up about what’s really going on for you, without having to share your personal details with other group members. Your time is precious, and you may not want to waste it going through a group process. The beauty of private anger management coaching is that I tailor the program especially for you, and go at your pace.
Will I have to dredge up my childhood memories during anger management counselling?
No – not unless you want to. My approach to anger counselling is to ensure that you always feel comfortable and relaxed during the sessions. I’ll never make you talk about issues you’d rather not discuss. I understand that it can be hard to bring certain things up.
If you prefer, we can stay focused on present-day issues and work on strategies and techniques to help you control your anger right now.
Should I tell people that I’m getting anger management counselling?
It’s absolutely your decision whether or not to tell others that you’re coming for anger counselling, and some people understandably prefer to keep it to themselves. But I find that it can really be helpful to let those close to you know.
When my clients have told family members, friends, co-workers, and bosses about their decision to get counselling, they’ve generally had very positive supportive reactions. It can be helpful to know that those around you are on your side.
But there’s another reason why I encourage clients to be open about the process. This is because, during counselling, you will find yourself changing as a person, becoming more confident and assertive, and this can sometimes come as something of a surprise to those close to you.
My anger management program isn’t about suppressing your feelings. It’s about learning a whole new way of being, in which you step into your own power, confidently ask for what you want, and gain a new, healthily assertive attitude to life.
Your loved ones might be used to the type of person who ‘bottled things up’ for days on end, then exploded in a rage when they were least expecting it.
In fact, they may be a bit taken aback by this new calmer person in their lives. So it can be really helpful to talk to them about the changes you’re trying to make, and bring them on board, so they feel included, rather than mystified by it all.
Aside from counselling, how else can I control my anger outbursts?
Some people find a release in physical exercise, such as playing sports or going to the gym. The endorphins released during exercise act to reduce stress within the body, leading to feelings of relaxation.
Another great lifestyle choice you can make to help control anger is to reduce, or give up, alcohol and recreational drugs. This might seem strange, as often we can think that alcohol or drugs are relaxing and enjoyable, but actually they can have the opposite effect in the long term, as shown by the following studies:
What are the most common causes of anger?
These are the three most common situations in which my clients have reported their anger getting out of control:
Relationship difficulties: communication problems and misunderstandings with close family members such as parents, partners, and children.
The workplace: bosses being too heavy-handed, not getting on with colleagues, or staff members being incompetent.
Traffic – other peoples’ bad driving.
No matter what is causing your anger, we can work on releasing your emotions around it and changing your reactions to it.
Is anger caused by fear?
Anger can be a natural response to a dangerous situation. Anger is an important emotion, as in the appropriate situation it helps to keep us and our loved ones safe.
A physical or aggressive response might be appropriate if we’re threatened by an invader or wild animal. However, in today’s world, the threats around us are no longer tigers or enemy tribes. Instead, they’re busy traffic, automated phone messages asking us to ‘press 1 and hold’, neighbours’ dogs that are barking too loud, and computers that won’t do what we want them to do.
These might be dismissed as ‘first world problems’, but all these stressors can add up over time and cause a growing sense of frustration. Add to that the ‘real’ dangerous things that are happening all around our world, that we’re informed of on a daily basis on the news.
It’s true; we live in a scary uncertain world, whether it’s the fear of war, ill health, or food shortages. And the problem is, we’re powerless to do anything about it.
So anger is a natural reaction to all these things that we’re faced with on a daily basis, both in our private lives, and on a Global level.
But throwing the computer out of the window, or smashing the radio when the news comes on – isn’t going to help matters.
The key is in making sure your anger is an appropriate response to the situation.
How are the sessions held?
Sessions are held remotely via services such as Zoom, or over the telephone.
How do I book?
Contact me by filling out the email form below. Alternatively you can call or text me on 0791 240 8830. Let me know what times/days you’re available, and we can arrange a mutually convenient time to meet for our first appointment.